The main reason for this page is to keep some unsuspecting person from being hurt by someone who "just doesn't get it". If you have not experienced the loss of a child, you will never understand the pain a parent feels after losing a child. When someone loses a child, the loss is the most devastating thing that could possibly ever happen. If  anyone that you know faces this type of devastation, the worst that anyone can do is critique a bereaved parent's grief. Someone looking in on the situation can not critique anything that has never been experienced, and saying you understand is invalid because you don't. The best thing you can offer is your friendship, a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, encouraging words....
PLEASE do not do the things listed below:

1. Never say "Oh you're still young you can have more children".
People say this all the time when a child dies. These are children that died, not puppies. No matter how long the child that died has lived, from the moment of conception there is an emotional attachment. It doesn't matter if other children follow the life of the child that died, the deceased child will forever have a place in the hearts of his/her parents.

2. Never compare the death of someone's child to the death of anything.
I had someone say "oh, I know about loss, my dog got ran over last week, and I'm over it so what's your problem?" Although this was the worst thing that was said to me, I have had similar statements said as well. Point blank....this experience is  TOTALLY different: whether you agree or not I'm telling you its totally different, don't make comparisons.

3. The worst thing you can do as a family member is ignore the person that lost the child.
I understand it may seem like a horrible thing, and it may be easier for you to just turn your back, but try to think of how hard it is for the family that lost the child; especially during the holidays. The worst thing is for that family to be stuck in the house and nowhere to go. Even more so if the child died in the house.(That is a word of advice for anyone who is grieving)

4. Questioning faith: This happens all the time: if a parent feels down , or depressed , or express feelings that he or she wants their child here with them, or if a parent says that they just don't understand why their child had to die...
DO NOT start critiquing their faith!!!
Those questions have nothing to do with whether or not a person has faith. Parents that lose children go through a lot of different emotions: anger, disbelief, shock, depression. The last thing a grieving parent needs to hear is someone say that their feelings are WRONG and if they are faithful/optimistic they wouldn't be so negative. No matter what happens, there is still going to be pain and sadness. You must remember that there is love for the grieving parent's child and in a utopian life that child was supposed to live much longer than the parent. Every parent plans to precede their child in death. Unfortunately, with this new forced reality their child is gone; it is a SHOCK, and it HURTS like hell.

5. If you do not understand what the person is going through:
Thats okay, just listen, be there, If the person is depressed etc. Don't start telling them that they need to "get over it" and "let it go", or label them as "negative" and begin tearing down their character just because their sadness makes you uncomfortable...if you are a REAL friend or someone who really wants to help you wouldn't do this.

6. Don't suggest that your friend needs to see a doctor for drugs.
There will be an overload of emotions that's normal and natural. Be there for them , let them process their emotions and let them deal with what has happened. If he/she feels that medication is necessary a doctor needs to be consulted and the best option for treatment will be discussed., DO NOT attempt to force them into it.

I have been blessed with a good support system, but there have been a lot of people that felt the need to tell me a lot of crazy things. Some of these things have been said to my friends as well. When these things are said, the only thing you are accomplishing is hurting that persons feelings and making them feel even more isolated than before. If you want to help just be there, help that person find ways to preserve their child's memory, distract them so that they can do more positive things.
Your efforts will be appreciated and will help.

L. Thompson, Director