My Motivation

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My Motivation

My Motivation:
Q."How do I remain so positive, with such a tragedy?"
Q."How do I keep my faith?"

"When Robynn first died, I was consumed with anger and confusion. I have had some very heated conversations with God, and there was even a point where I lost my faith all together. It didn't help with all the clichés where people would say " God knows best", "It's Gods will", "God knows what he is doing", every time I heard something like that I fell deeper and deeper, angrier and angrier. I had read somewhere that it is best to not ask God for a sign or a reason for what has happened, because I will only get frustration as a result. Despite that advice, I still wondered, I don't know why this journey has been chosen for me, but there are some things about this situation that I have come to realize:

God doesn't hate me and is not trying to punish me:
When Robynn died, an army of people came from the hospital, from the school, friends on myspace, from my job, the neighborhood, my mom and dad's jobs; there were at least 400 people at her visitation offering support and love: majority of the people that I had never seen before.

God sometimes gives us angels for a short time:
Angels are here long enough to do the job that was set out for them. Robynn was an extraordinary child, she always sacrificed herself to love other kids, gave away her candy, had to hug each and every classmate every day before she left, and she always made sure that every one knew that she loved them. She was never in trouble, she learned to say please and thank you at age 1: strange thing is, we never taught her, she started doing it herself! With her short time here, there were many lessons learned, a lot of parents learned to quit taking their kids for granted, others learned patience and to not be so judgmental, I learned an even deeper form of unconditional love: I had it for my kids, but now I have it for everyone. I have learned by her example.

I'm no different:
I see people all over the world on TV every day where children die. It is always "easy" to see someone else going through that situation; though horrific, and my heart went out to them, as long as it wasn't me. But a voice said to me,"Why not you?";which is a true statement: I am no better than anyone else, I'm just as special , just as loving. I'm no different than anyone else.

After all of that , I was able to let go of the anger but I doubt the hurt will ever go away. I can't be preoccupied with why God did what He did, if I am to know in this lifetime, I know when the time is right that He will reveal that answer to me. I feel divinely favored for the time I had with my beautiful angel, that He thought enough of me to allow me to love someone so beautiful , inside and out, if only it was for a short time.

Now that I realize these things, I try not to focus on the negative because I know my little girl would not want me to be bitter. I try instead to help others, to love others, especially hurting and grieving parents. Which is why I am building my own outreach in Memphis. I am helping other parents: (loving others unconditionally like my baby girl) by pulling other parents out of the dark, and being a rock for a grieving family in desperate need. I know that I am making my little angel proud."

Peace and Blessings

Angels in Flight Inc.

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